We Did It!!!

Much love and thanks to all our backers!!!!!!! Because of you we will be crossing the Specific Ocean to fulfill our destiny!!!! More updates to come! Thanks for being a part of this and taking us to the next level!!!!!

Uziteam

UZIMONDRAISER Show Pics

Click HERE to pree pics from UZIMON'S UZIMONDRAISER in Brooklyn 6/14/14

HELP UZIMON GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

We cannot dweet without YOU!

UZIMON has been booked to play some of the biggest festivals in Europe! Raising funds for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

CLICK HERE for more information


New T-Shirts in stock

Boost your loved ones confidence by giving them an UZIMON shirt fi Xmas!

New designs and sizes. Click to shop!

UZIMON - Redeye Jedeye (Official Music Video)

UZI Globetrots, slays, does Jedi work and battles carnivorous vulvas  with Wally Floyd.

A OPEN LETTER to UZIMON. (By UZIMON)

Dear UZIMON,

I hope dis letter finds you where you are at the moment. I really hope that as you read this letter you are also writing it, for I am doing the same. A wise man once said no matter where you go, there you are, and I think that is fuckery, precisely because it is so true sometimes all of the time. (mostly not always never) As you read this letter, as I write it, it becomes more and more clear that there is no way you can write it faster than I can read it. So let us write and read as one, as we once were and always have been, never to not be not. (Mostly always, not never)

I am writing us this open letter, not just because an "open letter" can make someone who is irrelvant instantly relevant again for an instantly relevant second before after the readers read, and then the person who wrote it is irrelevant, but because open letters were very relevant last month and we should always be on the cutting edge of relevance, because way more important than writing a good melody or having a wicked original bassline or trying to make people leave their troubles behind and all that fuckery, is to focus on relevance first and foremost. How do we do that? First, stop working on lyrics, stop trying to further develop your skills and take the long road, because someone who develops skills over time is irrelevant. You need to be focusing on things like putting pics of saurkraut and titties and someone else's 83 Chevy Impala on instagram like all the other relevant people, tweeting that you just went to Crossfit or Underwater Pre-Natal Soul Cycle and ending with a hashtag no one else uses like #boomtheprogram or #canIgetawhatwhat. You need to be figuring out what is current and relevant and then copying exactly that because orginality and doing what you enjoy just to make yourself happy have no relevent relevance. Sometimes I wonder if you wonder if I wonder whether we really want to be happy instead of be relevant in a world where relevance has so much relevance for a second! What di bloodclaat fuck?!

Don't you see? Can't you read? Are you still writing this? Ok, good. Let's keep it relevant. Write mi back an open letter to yourself and we'll go from there. 

Sinceerly

UZIMON

UZIMON Kidnapped...European Tour Postponed

UZI apologizes to Boomtown and his fans across Europe for being held captive while scientists harvest his fluid to save the world.

BASSment Saturdays at Webster Hall [NYC]

UZIMON rocking the Bassment Saturdays party at Webster Hall

CLICK HERE FOR MORE PICTURES

Rum - Live in Bermuda

UZIMON sings a classic chune about rum at the One Love One Life Festival in Bermuda, feat Collie Buddz with New Kingston and Beres Hammond. July 2013

 

 

Pictures from the One Love One Life Concert

Check out di criss pictures dem pan bookface! Click rite ere

Cup Match Time Again (Live in Bermuda)

UZI sings an Ode to Bermudian Holiday Tradition at the One Love One Life Festival in Bermuda, feat Collie Buddz and Beres Hammond. July 31, 2013.

Filmed and edited by Stephen Parker 

New Chune over Major Lazer-Bubble Butt Riddim

New Chune - Fish Pan Bun

NEW VIDEO - Steven Seagal 2.0!!!

UZIMON Invades Toronto, Canada!!

Go to UzivsFord.com for more information

New Flims!!

New freestyle video feat. Ja Anna on melodica!

UZIMON drops some limericks live!

KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE

KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE

by UZIMON


TOP TEN DANCEHALL CLASSICS

ABOUT PUM PUM OF ALL TIME

1. GOOD HOLE COLLEGE - Red Dragon

"A timeless Classik pan a rehash of Real Rock Riddim. Red Dragon espouts the importance of higher education and gets his social message across onetime. Gal dem must learn what dem pussy is fa!. How dem expect fi climb corporate ladders if dem nah know the muscle grip techinique? Good Hole College to di werld!

2. BUM FLICK - Little Lenny

"Bum Flick pan mi dick young gal come skin out ya!" - Few things inna life compare to having a big fat bum flicked at ya buddy. Little Lenny encapsulates di essence of bum skin on foreskin with such a subtle touch it meks angels cry. CLASSIC, ALL FRUITS RIPE RIDDIM! "Tear a shed, but she still want it..." Lickle Lenny a RULE slackness!
3. LOVE PUNANNY BAD - Shabba

Shabba puts the punanny on a pedestal wid dis one. Punanny a narcotic stronger that smack. "Punanny fi mek you happy, Punanny fi mek you sad". A bare truer philosophical insight never spoken.

4. GIMME PUNANNY - Admiral Bailey

Another chune about the harsh realities of punanny addiction. large up to Admiral Bailey for being honest about his crippling dependency on pum pum. You can tell him wan di pum pum baaaaaaad. Punanny Riddim Original! "Coolie Punanny, Chinee Punanny, Blackie Punanny, Whitey Punanny" - Like Star Trek, Admiral Bailey bruk down racial barriers wid dis classic dat mek even mi Granny jump out a wheelchair and bawl, "Gimme Punanny!"

5. MUSCLE GRIP - Shabba Ranks

Classic chune about the most important move a skettle can learn fi mek her punannny feel like cris brand new pum pum once again so dat grindsman get di agony. Muscle grip to di werld. Tight hole a di foundation of a strong family. 
6. CRAB LOUSE - Red Fox

This chune never got its full due. Fox a murda di riddim and spit a cautionary tail about not getting lice inna ya pubes dem. Creepy Crawly Critters will nyam ya buddy and mek it well chaifed and red. Gal dem will reject you with predjudice. Gunshot pan Crab Louse. Also features a cris sample from "Spill The Wine" - by War. (pure UZIMON knowledge).

7. TIGHTEST PUNANNY - Gappy Ranks

Massive chune, pan remake of the Punanny riddim (Tsunami Riddim) A beautiful ode to the perfect punanny and Gappy paints a picture of a very tight hole, simply by using di power of affirmation, by repetition. 


8. UNDER THE SEA - Sebastian The Crab

Everywun knows this chune from Disney's the lickle Mermaid is really a metaphor for pussy and pussyclots. Sebastian the crab is a crab louse and he is trying to get Ariel the Mermaid infected with crabs on her fish pussy. Don't tek it from me. Everybody knows Walt Disney is a pervert and a fish pedophile. Massive chune though still.


9. PUNNY PRINTER - Pan Head

Wicked chune pan the Bam Bam/Murder She Wrote Riddim. Batty Riders, Pum Pum shorts, and Punny Printers were all di rage amongst schoolgirls and geriatrics alike inna di dance back inna di 90s. Punny Printers were di best because dem printed the outlined of the camel toe most visably. Fashionable Punani a mek wood stand up!!!! 


10. PUNANNY TEGEREG - Little Lenny

Little Lenny Deh pan the di list AGAIN! One a di classikest punanny chune of all time, on the irrepresible Shocking Vibes Label!. and WTF is a Tegereg you may ask? Imagine a punanny is abusive and loud, and also a punnany. that mi friend is a PUNANNY TEGEREG!! "Pum Pum nani nani would a kill me dead!"

 

 

Live Show Intro

Check dis live video from my album release show!

 

Mobtown Ska Sounds Showdown with UZIMON (Podcast Interview)

"This is a reggae takeover by the man named Uzimon.    Calling from his secret bunker in Brooklyn New York,  I set up an exclusive interview to promote his latest album “SHOWDOWN” available on ChannelTubes, ITUNES, Amazon, and all other media outlets.   He was gracious enough to share some new tunes, talk about the reggaelution, and explain the similarities between John Lennon and himself.   I have never seen a reggae performer quite like Uzimon channeling the classic djs like Yellowman, Toyan, and Snow.  Check out the episode and dig deep into the roots of reggae with DJ Bobby Babylon on every episode of Mobtown Ska Sounds." - Bobby Babylon

Stream and Download here

WICKED REVIEW!

Check this WICKED REVIEW of mi NEW RECORD!

 

 

"CHEEEEEET! Its like angels are pissing inna mi ears! UZIMON'S 3rd record, "SHOWDOWN" a SELL OFF!!! MAaaaaaaaaaad! Choirs of Terrapins a sing!!!!!

That was mi first thought upon hearin mi new record. I went on to think...

Dis is basically what the Beatles wanted 2 make when dem made that "Sargent Pepperoni's Homely Arts Club Fan" album. It's what N.W.A had in mind when dem made "Straight outta Bill Compton" , and what Cream atempted with "Israeli Queers". BUT DEM ALL A FLOP LIKE FLIP FLOPS, UZIMON SAY SO!

Dis is def a step inna new direction fi UZIMON. Him a blend universal themes like falling in love with Colombian prostitutes, being a Jedi, having weekend trysts at Chucky Cheese with your number 3 girlfriend on the side, possessing the sexual prowness to masturbate for an entire day, and course, shooting literal bullets out of his mouth. Stuff we can all relate 2 as humans being in the 21st century. Di age of technology! Email, neon lights, mini-disc players and pagers. UZIMON struggles to keep him humanity in a ever-changing werld. This album will also make any woman's Uterus tremble like san andreas and bust like ripe fruit inna di oven.

And di music on dis record is pretty much better than anything else anyone ever made. Mi say dat with complete unpredjudiceness.

with murda-cris production by Producer Brett Tubin, and beautiful work by Steve Capecci, the musician-icality of dis album is by far better than most tings in life. Guest work by other artists like Ticklah, who called me up wun day and seh "hey UZIMON I'm really sick of making meaningful albums with the Sierra Leone Refugee all stars, and playing with Eryka Badu and playing with Antibalas and Amy Winehouse and being a Dap-King, its all reminding me too much that I have a career I can look back on in pride, so can I please pretty pretty please play keys on your record and obliterate my hard earned reputation?"….Mi said, alright. Cool. I will allow you to learn from me. I am di best".

So, in short, mi new record is di best one u ever heard. buy mi new record when it come out. Sign up on di mail list at uzimon.com for updates. And listen to di sample of "Colombian Daughta" I just put up.

Inna di meatime, here are some quotes from reviews by other lesser known critics:

"Pure FIYAH! UZIMON A RULE DANCEHALL!" - Leonard Maltin

"Bway shut ya mouth! UNU fi never know UZIMON! Him a run tings from long time wey back when! When Leonard Maltin was just a lickle pickney! Nah pose off like unu fi know! Disrespect mi gwine lick two shot off inna yu face!" - Roger Ebert

"EEE? MI murda ya bumbahole!" (gunshots ring out) - Leonard Maltin

"aaaaaah! unu fi shot mi inna di rass! tek a lick a mi M-16!" (rapid gunfire) - Roger Ebert

(Both man fi dead. Arguing over who like UZIMON more. Senseless. Stop di violence.)

 

Yours Truly,

UZIMON

SHOWDOWN NOW AVAILABLE

NEW SINGLE: COLOMBIAN DAUGHTA

Download will be for FREE exclusively through Channel Tubes


 

 

 

 

Mi just finished reading 50 shades of grey...

Mi just finished reading 50 shades of grey. Gonna sue sumbody 4 plaigarising Mi unpublished childhood memoirs.

Langhorne Slim Music Video Cameo

Checkk mi bredrens LANGHORNE SLIM & The LAW's new music video, wid a lickle cameo from the world's famousist celebrity since Kevin Sorbos, ME!!!!

 

Shark Week Thoughts...

In 30 years, we will not have enuff sharks inna di ocean to make a whole week of dem. probably just shark monday, plankton tuesday and jellyfish weekend. Ima get started...