"CHEEEEEET! Its like angels are pissing inna mi ears! UZIMON'S 3rd record, "SHOWDOWN" a SELL OFF!!! MAaaaaaaaaaad! Choirs of Terrapins a sing!!!!!

That was mi first thought upon hearin mi new record. I went on to think...

Dis is basically what the Beatles wanted 2 make when dem made that "Sargent Pepperoni's Homely Arts Club Fan" album. It's what N.W.A had in mind when dem made "Straight outta Bill Compton" , and what Cream atempted with "Israeli Queers". BUT DEM ALL A FLOP LIKE FLIP FLOPS, UZIMON SAY SO!

Dis is def a step inna new direction fi UZIMON. Him a blend universal themes like falling in love with Colombian prostitutes, being a Jedi, having weekend trysts at Chucky Cheese with your number 3 girlfriend on the side, possessing the sexual prowness to masturbate for an entire day, and course, shooting literal bullets out of his mouth. Stuff we can all relate 2 as humans being in the 21st century. Di age of technology! Email, neon lights, mini-disc players and pagers. UZIMON struggles to keep him humanity in a ever-changing werld. This album will also make any woman's Uterus tremble like san andreas and bust like ripe fruit inna di oven.

And di music on dis record is pretty much better than anything else anyone ever made. Mi say dat with complete unpredjudiceness.

with murda-cris production by Producer Brett Tubin, and beautiful work by Steve Capecci, the musician-icality of dis album is by far better than most tings in life. Guest work by other artists like Ticklah, who called me up wun day and seh "hey UZIMON I'm really sick of making meaningful albums with the Sierra Leone Refugee all stars, and playing with Eryka Badu and playing with Antibalas and Amy Winehouse and being a Dap-King, its all reminding me too much that I have a career I can look back on in pride, so can I please pretty pretty please play keys on your record and obliterate my hard earned reputation?"….Mi said, alright. Cool. I will allow you to learn from me. I am di best".

So, in short, mi new record is di best one u ever heard. buy mi new record when it come out. Sign up on di mail list at uzimon.com for updates. And listen to di sample of "Colombian Daughta" I just put up.

Inna di meatime, here are some quotes from reviews by other lesser known critics:


"Bway shut ya mouth! UNU fi never know UZIMON! Him a run tings from long time wey back when! When Leonard Maltin was just a lickle pickney! Nah pose off like unu fi know! Disrespect mi gwine lick two shot off inna yu face!" - Roger Ebert

"EEE? MI murda ya bumbahole!" (gunshots ring out) - Leonard Maltin

"aaaaaah! unu fi shot mi inna di rass! tek a lick a mi M-16!" (rapid gunfire) - Roger Ebert

(Both man fi dead. Arguing over who like UZIMON more. Senseless. Stop di violence.)


Yours Truly,